Introductory Chapter of the book: A Little Essay on Mental Wellness
How to Be - and Stay - Happy - 3
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... In today’s society, the popular definition of happiness is often synonymous with health, material comfort and richness. Unfortunately, few of these elements depend on what we are and on our personal values. This kind of happiness is defined primarily through external recognition: how much money we earn, who our friends are, which new technological innovations we bought, etc. As opposed to the happiness Epicure evoked, this kind of happiness is not one of moderation but, rather, is one of excess. Even wealthy people, those who easily fulfil their primary needs, benefit from diversified activities and cultural events, do not see where life leads them and they remain deeply dissatisfied without knowing what to do to improve their well-being. That shows how happiness relies neither on richness nor on popularity – or on other external factors – but it relies on ourselves! For this reason, we must learn how to develop interior skills to make our well-being grow and to counter the pressure society exerts on us.

The problem does not essentially lie in the nature of what society promotes. Values such as professional success can make people really happy. The danger rather lies in the way we adopt these values, often without analyzing their relevance with respect to our own values. For instance, if we are told that marriage leads to intense happiness, it is possible that future events will confirm this claim. But if we embrace this belief and have the misfortune to bear a difficult union, we will be vivaciously disappointed. If we always follow others’ beliefs, trusting only what the majority thinks, it will become extremely easy to lose ourselves, to forget our personal path and our personal values. Of course, this phenomenon is normal because social activities, relationships, mass media and publicity increasingly spread their influence. It is natural to assimilate a part of those values. But if these variations of pleasure and recognition may sometimes yield happy moments, they do not ensure our permanent well-being.

I may now summarize the definition of happiness I started above. It cannot simple be social values, as wealth, or a constant state of euphoria, because our organism will necessarily reduce it. Everyone formulates his/her own definition of happiness according to his/her life experiences, his/her interests, and this definition often takes an absolutely ideal and unrealistic form which is impossible to maintain constant. So, what remains? As you notice, it is very difficult to define happiness in a universal way. We frequently make this mistake when we try to define this state through general characteristics, such as popularity.

In the following chapters, I will explain how to make happiness rise in yourself through inclinations that are absolutely personal. Instead of an unrealistic ideal, you will learn to develop a healthy living context, a functional state of mind related to the way you interpret events of your daily life. And, since it is useless to propose a single explanation that would include all forms of happiness, we can identify what is essential at its foundation: to identify and to control psychological processes and behaviours which make our misfortune. Then, it will be possible to nourish, for ourselves, the fertile garden in which our personal experience of well-being will grow.

Now that I defined happiness with so many restrictions, one is right to wonder what this state is, in positive terms! As opposed to an illusory and particularly intense happiness, I will introduce you to another kind of well-being. I will define happiness as a stable state of harmony in oneself, in our relationships and in almost all life events. I will explain what is fundamental to understand to reach and maintain this state of soft serenity. Afterwards, this realistic happiness will progressively become foreseeable, controllable and permanent.

Let us begin our fantastic journey inside the human mind, to understand the limits of our psychological processes and reduce their harmful consequences. Then, we will be able to identify what is truly important in our life and we will turn our attention to the tools that will make a satisfactory and lasting happiness grow in ourselves.

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